birth story
As a new mom, I've been having a lot of thoughts and feelings lately, and as a self absorbed Leo, I thought everyone on the internet would want to hear about them. So I'm starting this blog.
I wrote this a couple days after the birth of my daughter, Glenn.
On Tuesday 10/4, I got to the hospital at 10am to start the induction process (I was scheduled to be induced a week before my due date because I have high blood pressure and am at risk for developing preeclampsia). At 1230pm, it started - I was given a vaginal suppository of a hormone to ripen the cervix, which would get me dilated and possibly start contractions. I was supposed to have a cervix check and be given another dose four hours later, but the four hours turned into ten, which was annoying. At that point, nothing was really happening - I wasn’t feeling any different, just bored and frustrated.
Sometime in the middle of they checked my cervix again and I was only dilated one centimeter still. This was my third exam and they were incredibly painful to me. At that point they decided to insert a foley balloon. This is a catheter they put inside your cervix and then inflate with saline so it presses against your cervix and hopefully makes it think it’s the baby’s head and gets it to start releasing the hormones it needs to start labor.
This was a nightmare. So painful, and then I had it in for over five hours (instead of the 1-4 they anticipated). I started having contractions then, and they were so uncomfortable with the balloon inside. I got no sleep at all that night and by the time they took the balloon out and told me I was 3 centimeters and cleared to go to the labor and delivery room I was so tired and in so much pain that I was rethinking my original plan to not have an epidural. The next step was to get Pitosin, which they do through an IV, which intensifies contractions. When I got to the room they did another painful exam and broke my water, and I was still just four centimeters. It was about 7pm on Wednesday and I hadn’t sleep at all.
I had originally not wanted the epidural because there’s a higher chance of getting a c-section if you have one, and I also was nervous about the pain of just getting it and getting a bladder catheter. But at that point, I didn’t think I would make it without it. It got it and was amazed at how little I felt it going in (they numb you first of course, and so it just felt like a small shot). You don’t feel the catheter go in at all afterwards. They mentioned it could lower your blood pressure, and I have high blood pressure so I thought, great! But, it ended up lowering it to 87/53 and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had ringing in my ears and my vision started to get blurry. They reacted right away and gave me some medication, and in just a few minutes I was all good. This was a little scary and gave me anxiety since I had been on the fence about this decision. But afterwards, I was so glad I did it. I was able to sleep about 5 hours, which I would not have been able to do otherwise. I felt tingly, but not like I couldn’t move my body at all.
They gave me the Pitosin, and when they checked me in the morning, I was 9 centimeters (and thanks to the epidural, the exam was pain free)! After another few hours, I was ready to prepare for delivery. Around noon, they said the baby’s head was at a slight angle and that might mean I needed a c-section, and I was really frustrated after having been through over 48 hours of induction by then. The doctor tried to move her with his hands (always good to hear a doctor say “I need to go get a longer glove”), and then the nurse had me lay with my legs around a big peanut shaped ball. When I did that, I could physically feel the baby moving into the correct position. So thankful for that nurse.
At 230pm, I started pushing. There were lots of people in the room. There could have been more, I really didn’t care about anything except getting the baby out at that point. I was on my back, and Dave was holding up one of my legs and when it was time to push he would support my head. A student was holding up my other leg, a nurse was helping me time my contractions, and the doctor was, well, where you would expect the doctor to be. At first, I was in pretty good spirits. It didn’t hurt, it was just difficult (maybe thanks to my epidural). I didn’t anticipate what a workout it would be. After about a half hour, I was really doubting myself. I wasn’t sure if I could do it anymore. I got frustrated when I felt like I had made a lot of progress and then heard that the baby wasn’t even crowning yet.
After a couple hours, they said they had to do an episiotomy which was something I had feared. But in that moment, you don’t even feel it. The mood in the room changed and all the doctors were putting on other gowns and gloves and setting up plastic, and I asked what was happening and they said she was coming in the next few pushes. The last time, they had me keep going after the normal 3-4 pushes per contraction I had been doing, and I did maybe 3 more, and felt this amazing feeling of her head and shoulders coming out and then this ultimate feeling of relief when she put her on my chest and she was crying and perfect.
Unfortunately it didn’t last long. I only got to hold her for about 10 minutes until they realized they were having trouble getting my placenta out. When they pulled lightly on the cord, it actually starting to detach from the placenta and I lost a lot of blood. They told me if they couldn’t get it to detach they might have to operate, and I was again so sad at the thought of going through all that I had and then ending up in the OR anyway. They took the baby away and started going to work removing the placenta. Now I had probably 4 doctors and nurses, putting in speculums and really elbow deep in my body getting this thing to come out. I had another medication added to my epidural to help with the pain and thank god for that because even with it, this was definitely the most painful part of the entire experience. After an hour and half, they were done and had removed everything successfully.
Now I was completely numb. They took us up to our maternity suite and I could finally spend time with my baby. At first I didn’t want to hold her much because I was still so out of it. The nurse helped me use the bathroom and that was quite an ordeal. I realized how beat up and swollen I was, and would be for quite a while to come. I was frustrated when I was having trouble breastfeeding right away, but was comforted when they said it was fine and that with me and Glenn both having been through so much it was totally normal for us not to be up to it yet. She was a perfect baby and we both got some much needed sleep.
We got home on Saturday around 3pm. I was in a lot of pain. It was hard to move around too much. I was starting to feel really overwhelmed at the idea of having to take care of her and be in the shape I was in. On top of that, breastfeeding was not going well. And because of that, I don’t think she was getting enough to eat, and was not sleeping at all that night. I was so sleep deprived and sad, I was just crying non stop. We gave her formula at about 6am and she finally fell asleep after that. I felt kind of like a failure, and like I didn’t know what I was doing and wasn’t doing anything right.
The next day was not any better. I cried all day. Thank god for Dave, who seriously took care of all of us all day. He truly puts all of our needs before his own and doesn’t think twice about it. The love I have for this baby is unreal, and even more than that, the love and trust I have for my husband after this ordeal has skyrocketed. Thankfully I’m feeling a little better... even though it will take time.
I wrote this a couple days after the birth of my daughter, Glenn.
On Tuesday 10/4, I got to the hospital at 10am to start the induction process (I was scheduled to be induced a week before my due date because I have high blood pressure and am at risk for developing preeclampsia). At 1230pm, it started - I was given a vaginal suppository of a hormone to ripen the cervix, which would get me dilated and possibly start contractions. I was supposed to have a cervix check and be given another dose four hours later, but the four hours turned into ten, which was annoying. At that point, nothing was really happening - I wasn’t feeling any different, just bored and frustrated.
Sometime in the middle of they checked my cervix again and I was only dilated one centimeter still. This was my third exam and they were incredibly painful to me. At that point they decided to insert a foley balloon. This is a catheter they put inside your cervix and then inflate with saline so it presses against your cervix and hopefully makes it think it’s the baby’s head and gets it to start releasing the hormones it needs to start labor.
This was a nightmare. So painful, and then I had it in for over five hours (instead of the 1-4 they anticipated). I started having contractions then, and they were so uncomfortable with the balloon inside. I got no sleep at all that night and by the time they took the balloon out and told me I was 3 centimeters and cleared to go to the labor and delivery room I was so tired and in so much pain that I was rethinking my original plan to not have an epidural. The next step was to get Pitosin, which they do through an IV, which intensifies contractions. When I got to the room they did another painful exam and broke my water, and I was still just four centimeters. It was about 7pm on Wednesday and I hadn’t sleep at all.
I had originally not wanted the epidural because there’s a higher chance of getting a c-section if you have one, and I also was nervous about the pain of just getting it and getting a bladder catheter. But at that point, I didn’t think I would make it without it. It got it and was amazed at how little I felt it going in (they numb you first of course, and so it just felt like a small shot). You don’t feel the catheter go in at all afterwards. They mentioned it could lower your blood pressure, and I have high blood pressure so I thought, great! But, it ended up lowering it to 87/53 and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had ringing in my ears and my vision started to get blurry. They reacted right away and gave me some medication, and in just a few minutes I was all good. This was a little scary and gave me anxiety since I had been on the fence about this decision. But afterwards, I was so glad I did it. I was able to sleep about 5 hours, which I would not have been able to do otherwise. I felt tingly, but not like I couldn’t move my body at all.
They gave me the Pitosin, and when they checked me in the morning, I was 9 centimeters (and thanks to the epidural, the exam was pain free)! After another few hours, I was ready to prepare for delivery. Around noon, they said the baby’s head was at a slight angle and that might mean I needed a c-section, and I was really frustrated after having been through over 48 hours of induction by then. The doctor tried to move her with his hands (always good to hear a doctor say “I need to go get a longer glove”), and then the nurse had me lay with my legs around a big peanut shaped ball. When I did that, I could physically feel the baby moving into the correct position. So thankful for that nurse.
At 230pm, I started pushing. There were lots of people in the room. There could have been more, I really didn’t care about anything except getting the baby out at that point. I was on my back, and Dave was holding up one of my legs and when it was time to push he would support my head. A student was holding up my other leg, a nurse was helping me time my contractions, and the doctor was, well, where you would expect the doctor to be. At first, I was in pretty good spirits. It didn’t hurt, it was just difficult (maybe thanks to my epidural). I didn’t anticipate what a workout it would be. After about a half hour, I was really doubting myself. I wasn’t sure if I could do it anymore. I got frustrated when I felt like I had made a lot of progress and then heard that the baby wasn’t even crowning yet.
After a couple hours, they said they had to do an episiotomy which was something I had feared. But in that moment, you don’t even feel it. The mood in the room changed and all the doctors were putting on other gowns and gloves and setting up plastic, and I asked what was happening and they said she was coming in the next few pushes. The last time, they had me keep going after the normal 3-4 pushes per contraction I had been doing, and I did maybe 3 more, and felt this amazing feeling of her head and shoulders coming out and then this ultimate feeling of relief when she put her on my chest and she was crying and perfect.
Unfortunately it didn’t last long. I only got to hold her for about 10 minutes until they realized they were having trouble getting my placenta out. When they pulled lightly on the cord, it actually starting to detach from the placenta and I lost a lot of blood. They told me if they couldn’t get it to detach they might have to operate, and I was again so sad at the thought of going through all that I had and then ending up in the OR anyway. They took the baby away and started going to work removing the placenta. Now I had probably 4 doctors and nurses, putting in speculums and really elbow deep in my body getting this thing to come out. I had another medication added to my epidural to help with the pain and thank god for that because even with it, this was definitely the most painful part of the entire experience. After an hour and half, they were done and had removed everything successfully.
Now I was completely numb. They took us up to our maternity suite and I could finally spend time with my baby. At first I didn’t want to hold her much because I was still so out of it. The nurse helped me use the bathroom and that was quite an ordeal. I realized how beat up and swollen I was, and would be for quite a while to come. I was frustrated when I was having trouble breastfeeding right away, but was comforted when they said it was fine and that with me and Glenn both having been through so much it was totally normal for us not to be up to it yet. She was a perfect baby and we both got some much needed sleep.
We got home on Saturday around 3pm. I was in a lot of pain. It was hard to move around too much. I was starting to feel really overwhelmed at the idea of having to take care of her and be in the shape I was in. On top of that, breastfeeding was not going well. And because of that, I don’t think she was getting enough to eat, and was not sleeping at all that night. I was so sleep deprived and sad, I was just crying non stop. We gave her formula at about 6am and she finally fell asleep after that. I felt kind of like a failure, and like I didn’t know what I was doing and wasn’t doing anything right.
The next day was not any better. I cried all day. Thank god for Dave, who seriously took care of all of us all day. He truly puts all of our needs before his own and doesn’t think twice about it. The love I have for this baby is unreal, and even more than that, the love and trust I have for my husband after this ordeal has skyrocketed. Thankfully I’m feeling a little better... even though it will take time.
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